How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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