In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
