I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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