i would punch a child for taco bell
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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