It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
