I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Who died my cat blue again?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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