dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
