Cold hands, warm shart.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
