this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
