Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
