I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I have post one night stand depression
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
