people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
