well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i think my mom watched the whole time
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
