I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
false alarm. still invincible.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
