Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
