don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
