i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
