u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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