a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
