so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
