This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
