Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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