Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
