I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
