I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
