i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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