just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
