omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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