my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
