90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
