i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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