i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
