Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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