I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
