my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
