is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
