dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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