it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
