Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
