Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
