I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
