The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
