Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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