mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
