sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
