White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
