so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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