They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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