Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
