you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
